The best parts of my job
Are on opposite ends of the spectrum - I love administering discipline to those that deserve it and I love giving people the good news and extending the verbal offers for promotions. It’s just such good news and people love to hear it, I don’t know, can’t get much better for work on a Friday. WOO HOOOO!
Between the hours of 6am and 11pm Fox News repeats... →
steampunkanachronism: This is how I taught my parakeet to talk. Seriously though, how great would it be to buy an African Grey parrot and sit it in front of Fox News 5 days a week. You’d end up with an extremely intelligent conservative friend, something that’s hard to find these days.
Forgiveness is having given up all hope of having had a better past.– Anne Lamott, Operating Instructions (via psychotherapy)
East Texas Folk Generalization #233
They hate the sound of car keys, beer bottles and babies hitting the ground. TRUST ME.
The offender has been vanquished.
Crisis suspension is your friend.
Why the Rich Love High Unemployment →
mikehudack: prostheticknowledge: In the boardrooms of corporate America, profits aren’t everything - they are the only thing. A JPMorgan research report concludes that the current corporate profit recovery is more dependent on falling unit-labor costs than during any previous expansion. At some level, corporate executives are aware that they are lowering workers’ living standards, but their...
List of problems solved by MacGyver →
scipsy: This is not actually science, but, it’s MacGyver! (via scicurious)
Notes from the Investigation
Before we begin, my records show you attended the Code of Conduct training twice this year, on February 18th and on March 14th, is that correct? o Yes Tell me what happened on Sunday - o Well, I was talking to [REDACTED] about some new boots he had got, some store went out of business. I asked him if the store was still open, he said yes, so I asked him if they had any of those...
Say "Ahi Tuna" really fast
Doesn’t it kind of sound like you’re saying “I hate tuna”?
HR Investigation #104
In which I must determine the culprit who uttered the phrase “wetback boots” over the radio in reference to a shoddy pair of steel-toed boots. Suspect identified, gathering witnesses now.
Getting a speeding ticket, my first. The police officer was an older, whire-haired gentleman. Very friendly, but dammit dammit dammit. Adrenaline is a crazy thing.
The Lady Gaga comment from earlier was taken as an insult.
Is it a compliment or an insult if you tell someone they look like Lady Gaga?
Another night in another bed...
I only wish it was in the bed of some mysterious stranger, but alas, nein, ‘tis only a bed owned by a multimillion dollar corporate hotel megalith, rented by me for a single, forgettable night. On a positive note, it’s much better than the Holiday Inn. Fuck that cesspool. I walked by a hotel room with a room service tray outside of it. The only thing on the tray, the only thing at...
'Adult Babies' Questioned by Senator →
A key senator has asked the Social Security Administration to investigate how people who live their lives role-playing as “adult babies” are able to get taxpayer-funded disability payments — after one of them was featured on a recent reality TV episode wearing diapers, feeding from a bottle and using an adult-sized crib he built. [continues] In an email response to The Washington Times,...
Our office has concrete floors, and as a result you can hear people coming down the hall as their shoes squeak. In fact, you can even discern the identity of the person walking depending on the speed of their gait and how squeaky their shoes are. Anyway, I heard this one employee walking down the hall. He’s the squeaky wheel, and he always has an issue. Not wanting to deal with him, I hid...
Sleep deprivation and unethical behaviour →
scipsy: Michael Christian and Aleksander Ellis conducted a research into sleep deprivation and how insufficient rest can lead to deviant behaviour. They: looked at two groups of people - nurses before and after their shift and a group of college students - half of whom were deprived of a full night’s sleep - who were asked to complete an experiment. They discovered that in both groups sleep...